The road to awe

 I've prayed for strength. I've prayed to be stronger and I've prayed to be better. I've prayed for God's love and forgiveness. But mostly, I've prayed for my family.
I once heard that if you pray for success, god won't make it rain money, rather god will give you the opportunity to be successful. 
I'm not going to preach that I'm a very good muslim...God knows how flawed I really am, how many times I've deviated from the path of good. But I honestly try to be a better person, a compassionate soul that knows kindness and a helping hand in a world where such people are taken advantage of.
I told myself that if I suffer on earth, I'd be rewarded in heaven; so no matter how much agony I receive, I will stomach it and move on...because this life is just a dream between wakes. Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but plan like you're going to live forever....a saying my mum constantly reminds me of.
I used to think that my life was incomplete, like I was missing out because I couldn't do the things that the media portrays as fun, as living. For a long time, I felt like my life was lacking, like I was being robbed of the things I should've had.
But now I realize, it's that I can't do it...it's that I won't.
I don't want the life that is pictured on a TV screen. I thought I'd be sad if that had happened to me...and I may be sad...but it's a depression that will heal.
But what I cannot stomach, what I cannot fathom is disappointing the people who are my universe.
“‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and
he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.’”
I think I can finally relate to Wuthering Heights...