Still not understanding

There are certain kinds of love I can understand; like the love of a parent or a sibling...these are obligations...and the love for a faith or  a cause; the passion of the drive is so overwhelming that it engulfs you.
But love for another person? How can you trust someone completely!? I could never think of opening myself totally to another soul, save for my brother. I have secrets from everyone. Secrets so deep, so personal that I would never even dare utter them in silence. These are secrets so sensitive that I don't even think about them when I'm with others; not a single soul...human or otherwise can ever know them. Have you ever experienced something like that? I bet everyone has...something so personal they wouldn't trust to anyone else in fear that it may be repeated.
For me, a secret is between yourself and you. The moment you tell anyone else, it's no longer a secret...regardless of how trustworthy they are...
Okay, I just ranted way of topic here...but I just don't understand how people can so freely open themselves to pain. Why would you even want that?
I know love doesn't exist! If it does, it's brief and fleeting. If I ever get married, which is another constitution I don't believe in, it won't be for love. That's the most silliest thing I ever heard of.
That's like buying a house because you liked the colour! NO SENSE!
Such a big commitment for such a trivial reason.
No, I firmly believe that all of this is just what the media forces down our throats making us believe that fairy tales do exist! Marriages end up in divorces almost equally as they survive, which proves just how efficient marrying for love is!
So yes, I may seem cruel and heartless but facing the facts here. I am nothing, if thorough. I make every decisive calculation before pursuing a cause. From what I can gather, all this nonsense is an act of faith ...I am a Muslim because the signs have been made clear to me...I can see the reality of my religion as clear as I can see light. I know the truth of what I am being taught. But this, these are practices of mortals...people who make mistakes...how can I take that seriously?

The road to awe

 I've prayed for strength. I've prayed to be stronger and I've prayed to be better. I've prayed for God's love and forgiveness. But mostly, I've prayed for my family.
I once heard that if you pray for success, god won't make it rain money, rather god will give you the opportunity to be successful. 
I'm not going to preach that I'm a very good muslim...God knows how flawed I really am, how many times I've deviated from the path of good. But I honestly try to be a better person, a compassionate soul that knows kindness and a helping hand in a world where such people are taken advantage of.
I told myself that if I suffer on earth, I'd be rewarded in heaven; so no matter how much agony I receive, I will stomach it and move on...because this life is just a dream between wakes. Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but plan like you're going to live forever....a saying my mum constantly reminds me of.
I used to think that my life was incomplete, like I was missing out because I couldn't do the things that the media portrays as fun, as living. For a long time, I felt like my life was lacking, like I was being robbed of the things I should've had.
But now I realize, it's that I can't do it...it's that I won't.
I don't want the life that is pictured on a TV screen. I thought I'd be sad if that had happened to me...and I may be sad...but it's a depression that will heal.
But what I cannot stomach, what I cannot fathom is disappointing the people who are my universe.
“‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and
he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.’”
I think I can finally relate to Wuthering Heights...

Lonely

Have you ever watched a movie and as the guy finally gets the girl, you tell yourself " I want that"...I want the drama, the hearct ache, the love, the jealousy, the resolution and the happy ever after....but life isn't like that.
There is no perfection in life like in movies, so everytime you see love, you get depressed...because reality sucks in comparison. Our idea of love has been so bent on fantasy that we fail to see the good the life has to offer. Instead we try to mold ourselves into a more perfect form...and by perfect, I mean more like the actors we see in movies. At times we get lonely because we don't have a girlfriend, but do we honestly need one?!  In movies, the moment the male protaganist hits puberty, he automatically HAS to have a girlfriend or else it will fail as a film! Where's the logic in that?
How many people can honestly say that they were in a relationship the second they turned 14...and why would you want to be in a relationship at 14 years old?
Isn't the goal of a relationship to get married and start a family? Why would you want to start a family at 14? or even 20 for that matter?! There is no point in it...but because we are so heavily drugged with the media we feel that at 20, no love means you're lonely so therefore no life. -.-
just my opinion anyway...random ramblings of a misfit

Love at first Sight??

Ok, how many people believe in love at first sight?
I personally, think it's loads of bull crap and there's no way it can happen. Finding your true love in one look? WTF?! But wait, before you jump to conclusion, let me present my theory on why I think people have faith in it and why I thinks it hokum!

Since it's love at "first sight", obviously the appearance is important! you remember all those images we have of our "perfect" person! The day dream you had since you hit puberty about your perfect match who you will run off with, get married and live happily ever after...(yuck...)
Well i think, when people say they found their true love, means they just found someone who looks almost exactly like their "snow white", so they're mistaking attraction for love....talk about stupid thinking.

I mean, the argument that love at first sight exist because the ration between man to woman is 1:1...buts that's not perfectly equal! so what?! they'll be a few people left loveless simply because they were born later? and since the wide spread of gays and lesbians (no offense), doesn't that mean that now the ratio is imbalanced?! And what if you get married to someone and later in life you find your "true love"? are you allowed to dump your spouse for them?!

Take from it what you like, but I believe this is just made up poop movie directors and novelist use to sell their products!